Chapter 3 I sucked up my pain

shouldn't have been surprised that I was already I never let go of my Midwestern roots. In California, I was an early riser, before the sun, but I guess a part of me never left the house. My room looked exactly the same as the night I left, containing a single bed that was hell to sleep in now that I was used to a king size bed, a small table that I used as a desk, and a tiny closet that didn't even fit. a third of my belongings now. Damn, where am I going to put all my stuff? Victor was supposed to send my stuff to me, it was the least he could do by not letting me know I was sleeping with Mr. I'm-a-badass-to-have-my-dick-dropped. Thank God my test came back clean. I'd probably be arrested for murder if I'd come back with anything. I sucked up my pain and made Grandpa eat breakfast. It was the least I could do after showing up here unannounced. “You were always an early riser. Even as a kid, you didn’t know the meaning of sleeping in on the weekends.” My throat clogged as I looked at the only father I'd ever known. Last night, it was hard to see through my tears, but now, in the light of day, it was clear that I had failed him. The money I sent him every week was not what he needed. He needed me. I used to look at him. He was as tall as a mountain, at least to me. He was my everything. I swallowed the lump of guilt as I looked at him. Wrinkled and older, he no longer seemed so strong and invincible. When I left, he was tall. Now he was a little hunched over, and his hair was completely white, but the smile he gave me was the same one he always had just for me. “Well, what can you expect when you wake me up at the crack of dawn by making a ruckus. I'm a light sleeper. I am just the product of your creation.” He walked to the table as I placed the plate in front of him. "You are not eating?" “I need coffee first. Then I can start my morning.” He shook his head but ate from the plate. When I left San Francisco, I had no idea what I was going to do. I just knew I couldn't be in a town where I was being made fun of behind my back. It was funny how I came home to where I had been looked down upon all my life. Initially, I hoped this could be a stop on the way to my next big dream, but looking at my grandfather, I knew I couldn't leave him. Not again. I was stuck here for now, and the idea terrified me, because the longer I stayed here, the more real the chance of finding him became. You can't hide in a small town. It might take a few days, but by the end of the week, you've always run to everyone. Sunny Pines was a small town. We were somewhere between Port Wing and Superior. There was only highway 13, the rest were small town roads. Unless I planned on hiding in this trailer, which sounded appealing, I was going to see some faces I never thought I'd see again. I needed coffee, and this was just the beginning of the things I was going to need. Then it occurred to me, hell, maybe he didn't even live here anymore. Maybe he left this town and was much better off in life than I was. He deserved it. He deserved everything. It would be easy to ask Grandpa what happened to him, but it would be better if I never spoke of him again. The damn guilt of what I did to him was going to kill me before the week was over, I just knew it. "Aren't you going to ask?" I asked when I couldn't take it anymore. My grandfather acted like we had breakfast together every morning. Like I didn't get up and leave him in the middle of the night without saying goodbye. “I thought you would tell me when you were ready. Or we don’t have to talk about it.” I was slamming my hands on the old wooden table since I didn't have a coffee to drink. “So, is it like this? I come home and it’s like nothing happened?” "You're home safe and sound, that's all I care about." Grandpa shrugged and continued eating. I cleaned up after him, and when he said he was going into town, I decided I needed to go head on too. It was already noon and I didn't have an ounce of caffeine in me, and that was a sin. Should I be worried that Grandpa didn't like coffee who didn't love coffee? I was surprised that his old red truck still worked. So many memories in that truck. I didn't like it, but my grandfather taught me how to drive when I was fifteen, giving me my first taste of independence. "So what's new in town?" I asked as I looked out the window, watching the green grass blowing in the wind. I bet I was a vision, brown hair, wearing a navy blue pantsuit with a white silk blouse and black shoes sitting inside a truck that was so rusty it was a miracle the wind didn't destroy it. Grandpa made a face when I left the trailer, but didn't say anything. I wasn't the girl who grew up here, the one who had wild hair and wore combat boots and tight jeans like it was her religion. I was no longer the girl the town called trailer trash. “You know people here don’t like change very much. There’s a hippie cafe that’s been open for two years.” I rolled my eyes. Anything that wasn't your status quo around here was hippie or liberal. "The Millers' daughter opened it after she got back from college." That was cool. I liked Emma Miller. She was one of the few girls in school who didn't look at me like I was covered in shit. Naturally, I told Grandpa to make the hippie coffee shop our first stop. I stopped breathing for a second at the sight of the huge building that wasn't there when I left the city. 'Dunnett Industries,' the massive sign read. The Dunnetts owned half the town. Mr. Dunnett was a savvy businessman who had his finger in a little bit of everything. "What is that?" I grumbled. “Oh… the Dunnetts managed to get a contractor to sort out their roots here. It’s some kind of technological warehouse, it provides work for many families around the area.” I didn't ask any more, I didn't speak any more. The past was best left in the past, right? When we got to Main Street, it felt like time stood still in this part of town. The white kiosk was surrounded by beautiful flowers and trees, and the shops surrounded the park. He parked in front of the hardware store, saying the hippie store was right on the other side of the kiosk. I could see the building, it was bright yellow and stood out from all the white. I grabbed my bag and stood tall and proud, even though my feet were killing me from yesterday's adventure. When I opened the door to Emma's Café, it was paradise. It smelled like coffee grounds and baked goods. I was surprised by the long line. As I was going to stay here for a while, I took a moment to look around. There were small tables along the walls, all with books on them. A smile appeared on my face. From what I remembered, Emma liked to read, she always had her head stuck in a book. The wall on the other side was black. Looking closer, I realized it was a giant chalkboard. At the top, there was a quote of the day, today: Don't let yesterday be dictated.These words spoke to me, as if I were there to see them. The girl I used to be was not the woman I was today, it made my shoulders relax a little and my breathing became a little more comfortable. Still waiting, I decided to pick up my phone and turn it back on. Had left since I ran into my ex-boyfriend with his secretary. After that, I had stayed in a hotel and gave them the number so they could contact me there. As soon as the phone was on, it started ringing with messages, missed calls, and voicemails. This was going to be stressful. "Hello, what can I get for you?" Emma smiled at me. She was still looking sweet, with a curvy frame, blonde hair that reminded me of sunrises