Chapter 2 Miserable

CHAPTER 1

I was still so young when I witnessed how my mother died. Father grief so much that he almost forgets his responsibility as my father. I know how he loves my mother. We’re not rich but we have money and other assets. Dad was a responsible husband and a father. But it all changed when mom died because of cancer. He was so devastated. I was still so young, but I know how it affects my father’s rational mind. He lost his way and went further and further away from me.

“Aethelred, I should go home now. It’s late. Just wait for your dad here, okay?” Auntie Tamara said as she prepared to leave. She’s my father’s older sister and since mom died, she always visits me here to take care of me and at night she’ll leave. Since dad is always out of work, she’s the one who’s taking care of me. She has children and they’ve been my playmate since then. I always enjoyed every moment that they are here because when they leave at night I am always left alone.

Dad has rarely gone home. I don’t know where he’s staying and even at a young age, I am becoming worried for him. I know how huge the damage that my mother’s death has inflicted on him, but I hope he’d find a way to move on.

It was also painful to me but since I was young maybe I can still divert my loneliness into something else like playing with my cousins.

I sat down on the couch while staring at the front door waiting for it to open and for dad to come home. I was holding the teddy bear that my mother gave me as a present before she died. I was delighted when the door opened. I thought dad won’t come home tonight but I guess this night is different. But my smile faded when I saw dad looking drunk and a mess in his suit. He almost went out of balance as he closed the door.

“Dad!” I called him when he almost fell to the ground. “Fuck!” I heard him say. I went near him and helped him to stand up even though my little strength isn’t enough.

“Dad…do you want water?” I asked softly as he finally sat down on one of the couches, we have in the living area. His drunk eyes bore on me. His brows furrowed as his lips slowly pursed into a thin line. “Why are you still awake?” he asked even though he was having a hard time speaking.

“I was waiting for you…” I said sadly. He stared at me. And in a snap, I saw the tears streaming down his face. My heart cracked as I saw his tears. I feel like something is stabbing my heart. I don’t want to see my father crying. I used to see him as a strong man. A strong man who always stood up in front of me and mom. He’s the one who’s always protecting us but right now he’s far…from that sight, I used to see.

He becomes weak and vulnerable especially now that he’s crying like this. “D-Dad…” my voice shook. I hugged him tightly. The teddy bear I am holding fell down because my arms are now straddling my dad. “I’m sorry…Aethelred…” he whispered. He hugged me back. I cried in his arms. I don’t want dad to be like this. If I am just older and wiser, I won’t let these things happen. I’ll help dad with all that I can. I will help him to get better and to be back to his old self.

I thought after that night things would change even a little bit, but I was wrong. I heard dad and auntie Tamara fighting the next morning and even though I was still young I can understand everything. “You know that it’ll worsen everything, Francisco! Do you think that it’ll be better for Aethelred?!” Auntie Tamara exclaimed.

“I am sure with this, Tamara! I know what I am doing! I know that I’ll have money for this and after this, we’ll start over again! I’ll fix everything! It is for the future of my daughter, Tamara!” dad argued. Their conversation is getting heated. Auntie Tamara looks problematic while dad was full of determination. “This is a fucking gamble, Francisco! And it is your wife’s money! It is supposed to be given by your daughter not for your fucking casino!” Auntie Tamara spat angrily.

“I’ll fucking win this, Tamara—”

“You know that when it comes to gambling there is no assurance, Francisco!”

“But this is the only choice I have to raise the money so that I can invest it into another company!” dad said heatedly. Auntie Tamara shook her head like she doesn’t have faith in my dad anymore. “We have so many ways, Francisco…why would you resort with that fucking way?!”

“I can’t let it pass, Tamara. The company is just giving me three days to reach the money they want so that I can invest it in them. This is the only hope I have for the future of my daughter, Tamara…” Dad almost begged auntie. Tears rolled down my cheeks. My heart is breaking. In the end, dad is still worried for me. Dad still wants a better future for me.

In the end, auntie Tamara didn’t say anything anymore. I locked myself in my room after that and searched for the word ‘casino’ and was shocked that it was a gambling place for rich men.

It means that dad will gamble the money that mom has left for us. It wasn’t enough to be invested in a company and in order to multiply the money he’ll gamble it and hope for it to win. I am hoping for dad to win even though I know that it was wrong. It wasn’t the right way to do but I am still hoping for it to win.

One afternoon, auntie Tamara was preparing now to leave when dad suddenly appear and went inside the house. I was shocked to see his coat with blood and looking so anxious and weary.

“What the fuck happened to you, Francisco?!” Auntie Tamara exclaimed and pulled me behind her, blocking me against dad. But I was desperate to see him. Why is dad coated with blood? What happened to him? Does he fall in an accident? He needs to be treated in the hospital!

“I don’t have time to explain to you, Tamara. I’ll get Aethelred, we’ll leave the city,” dad said in a rush as he tried to get me to auntie.

“No, Francisco! Not until you tell me what happened!” Auntie shouted. Dad looks so confused but fear is dominating in his eyes.

“I can’t explain right now, Tamara! I’ll get Aethelred! Give her to me!” dad shouted in haste. The nervousness I am feeling is over to the roof. I don’t know what’s happening, but I can feel danger. “No, Francisco! What the hell did you do?!” Auntie was so frustrated. Dad became aggressive. I was shocked and surprised when he forcefully pulled me out of auntie’s hold. It was physically painful as his grip tightened on me when auntie didn’t let him get me. I feel like I am in some kind of tug of war, and I am the rope between them.

“She’s my daughter, Tamara—”

“Yes, she is! But I don’t know anymore if she has a future with you!” auntie shouted. I cried as they kept pulling me to each other. I feel scared and confused. I don’t want dad to be like this but he’s holding me forcefully and without him knowing, he’s inflicting pain on me.

“D-Dad…A-Auntie!” I cried as they kept pulling me. Auntie looks so worried while dad was desperate to get me. But they stopped when we heard the siren of the police coming towards our house. Dad let me go and become anxious and scared. I don’t know why and it’s painfully hurting me. “Dad…” I called him as he walks back and forth.

“What did you fucking do, Francisco?” Auntie asked angrily. Dad messed up his hair and with his shaking hands and tears rolling down his cheeks, he looks at auntie.

“I…don’t know…Tamara…I played the game…I gambled my wife’s last money for us…I was so sure I’d win…but…they tricked me! They cheated on me! They cheat on the game! I was playing fair and square, Tamara…and because of that…my eyes darkened. My eyes went red…” Dad said nervously and panicky. I didn’t know how to react, but my auntie started crying as dad tell his story. I was confused but there’s one thing I understand…Dad lost…and someone cheated…

“…I didn’t…hold my anger…I p-pulled the trigger of my gun…and k-killed him…” dad said devastatingly. My lips parted. Auntie’s cries filled the whole house. I stared at dad who was also staring at me. In his eyes, I saw how he regret everything. In his eyes, I saw how he asked for forgiveness from me. My heart literally broke as the door forcefully opened and the police went in and hold my father.

Dad was just staring at me as his tears pooled down his eyes. Auntie was crying hard, but it was only echoing inside my ears. The policemen pointed a gun at my dad as they locked my father’s wrist with cuffs. “Aethelred…” dad called for me, but I didn’t respond, I was just staring and watching the police take my dad. Dad was crying while I was just there standing, didn’t know how to react to everything that’s happened.

But when dad slip away from the police hold and run towards me and hugged me desperately my tears started to blur my sight.

“I-I’m…sorry…” dad whispered. I wanted to say something. Something that will make him calm down. Something that will soothe his heart. I want to tell him that I am okay. That I still believe in him even though the circumstances were very hard for us. I want to comfort my dad, but my tongue was tied. I was a coward and remained crying on his shoulder until the police forcefully take him from me and pushed him inside the police car.

And that was the start of my miserable life. That was the start when people start calling me…the criminal’s daughter.