Chapter 3 Carnation

I guess I'm going to be late for class today. I had $20 in my pocket and $50 in my checking account. I could take a taxi or get an uber but that would be a waste of money. I guess I better start walking. I looked at the time 25 mins left before class starts, slash that I guess I better start running. I ran a lot but even I knew I couldn't run 5 miles in 25 minutes, I ain't no Usain Bolt. Gosh! I wish I was him because I would get to class in record time. I grabbed the shoulder straps of my bag and took a deep breath. "You can do this Mia." A little encouragement before the start of the journey.

I started off at a slow pace, I was trying to match my breath with my footsteps. I looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful day, the sky was so blue and the clouds were spread out beautifully. As I ran, memories of my childhood flashed before my eyes but I blocked it out. I wasn't ready to feel like shit again today. The college gates were up ahead and I had already been running for 35 minutes, so I was already sure that I was at least 10 minutes late.

As I ran through the campus, I could see people staring at me. It looked as if I got rained on but it was just sweat. I ran into the college bathroom closest to my class. I was already 20 minutes late so an extra 5 minutes of being late wouldn't affect anything. I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked like a wet dog and that was definitely not the look that I was going for today. I always carried wet wipes and body spray. I wiped my armpits and under my boobs with the wipes then applied some body spray. I sweat a lot but luckily I didn't smell. Smelling bad in public was the absolute worst thing. It was actually a fear of mine. I brushed my hair and pulled it back into a high ponytail and walked out the bathroom. I put on my bitch face, say anything to me and you will be eaten alive. I walked into class with my head hanging low. At least I won't get reprimanded if I looked as pitiful as possible. I found the nearest seat to the door because I didn't want to search for a better seat because that would just draw too much attention to me.

"Wait! Wait!" I shouted at Jake after class. I got to class late which meant I had to spend extra time coping notes and figuring out all the work I missed. I normally wouldn't come to class on Friday because I only had one period but that period was with the devil incarnate Mr. Thompson, my business English lecturer. He always made us write notes and always gave us so many mini assignments to keep us busy during the weekend. According to him college is a time for us to study hard and improve ourselves instead of going out during the weekend to have fun. I can bet the last $50 in my account that he had no friends in college.

Mr. Thompson is so bad to the point that even when I was sick, I had to ask Rue to sit in class for me, copy notes and then get the weekend assignments for me. Mr. Thompson always said only one of the mini assignments would count towards our grades but he wouldn't tell us which one so that we could always put maximum effort into our assignments.

"Shoot me now." "Mia, why were you so late today? Did you forget it was the devil's sperm period?" Jake said to me. I couldn't stop myself from laughing. We all had different names for Mr. Thompson but they all had to do with him being related to the devil. "Trust me I didn't forget,  I just missed the bus and had to run here." "Why didn't you take a cab or call me? I would have picked you up." I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at my feet. I did that when I didn't have a good answer to give. Jake was a guy from my high school who managed to escape Derby. Although we were only an hour away from Derby it still felt like we had escaped. Jake and I weren't very close but we shared some sort of weird solidarity because we escaped, plus we were both studying business. Studying business was not my dream but my whole goal was to pick a major that would give me a job that would bring in money as soon as possible. I didn't really have a dream or an ideal job so I guess anything would have been fine.

"Do you wanna have lunch in the cafeteria?" "Will you allow me to copy your notes?" I watched Jake laugh at my question. He had a pretty smile but just wasn't my type at all. He was tall and pretty muscular. I could tell he worked out because the veins in his arm were so huge. I always told him his face and body don't match because he has this manly body but has the face of a baby. I couldn't take Jake seriously sometimes because he had the cutest face with dimples on both cheeks. "Do you want to split a plate of fried rice?" "Really Mia? A plate is literally $2.50. Are you really going to be a cheapskate when it comes to food?" Our cafeteria was heavily subsidized but I still felt bad about buying food even though I love eating so much. "Let's go Mia. I will pay for your food and allow you to copy my notes." "No! I can't let you pay for my food." I never want a man to pay my bills because they always expect something in return. "I will pay for myself Jake" "If you want to copy my notes then you gotta let me buy you lunch." When he said that I instantly turned around to walk back towards class hoping someone from Mr. Thompson period was still there so that I could copy their notes.

I felt Jake grab my elbow and try to stop me.

"Jeez Mia you can't take a joke. I'm just worried about you because you are losing so much weight."

"Well running 5 miles tends to have that effect on everyone."

"You know Mia, you actually have a weird sense of humor but it's cute."

"Thanks." I hated compliments because I didn't know how to react to them and I always ended up looking stupid. I smiled at Jake and started walking towards the cafeteria.

I know Jake gave me a compliment but my head didn't register it as a compliment. It felt more like an insult and I had to start analyzing my humor to figure out if I said anything wrong. That's the fucked up thing with me, good things seem bad to me while negative things seem good to me. I guess I can thank my mom for fucking my head up so much. I felt miserable most days but found a way to live through the misery. I was trying not to prove the phrase 'Misery loves company right' but it was so hard.

"Penny for your thoughts" I looked at Jake and laughed out loud so hard. "That is the most cliché phrase ever. You got to do better than that dude." "Hey! I'm studying business, not literature, okay." "Well you did the literature department a good deed by not applying for their major." It felt good to tease Jake and laugh for a bit. "Well I'm glad my choice of words was able to make you laugh Mia. You look pretty when you smile." Ugh why did Jake have to ruin the moment by complimenting me. I could spot the cafeteria from afar. It didn't look too full so that was good to know. I wasn't in the mood to be around many people. When was I ever in the mood to be around people?

I started walking fast, hoping that Jake would get the hint and stop talking. I didn't want anyone to compliment me no matter how innocent it was. I ignored most of what he said while we walked quickly to the cafeteria. The sooner we  get there the sooner I can copy these notes and leave.

WAS I TOO MEAN TO JAKE?