Chapter 3

3.

I instinctively chugged my ice water, the cold cubes making my chest ache.

"I do, but we're long-distance. She's in New York."

It was Caleb's voice.

Low, calm, almost detached.

I remember my freshman year of college, the first time I visited him in Boston.

He insisted on dragging me through Harvard Square, wanting every single person he knew to see that I was his girl.

A classmate in front of us asked if it was snowing outside.

Caleb, completely missing the point, grabbed my hand, his eyes shining. "How did you know my girlfriend was here from New York?"

Not like now.

His answer was a statement, a turn, and a void, all in one.

Sienna couldn't help but speak up, her tone oozing with a self-righteous sort of logic.

"Is it because you don't have better options? Or is the sunk cost just too high? Why maintain a relationship that does nothing for your career?"

Caleb was silent for a moment. "Relationships… you can't calculate them like a business ROI."

"Then let's talk about feelings. Does she know how tired you are after a shift? Does she understand the pressure of residency matching? Don't you have even a little bit of FOMO, a little regret?"

Sienna's voice cracked, full of grievance and resentment, as if she were the victim here.

The table fell into an awkward silence. The air felt thick.

After what felt like an eternity, I finally heard Caleb's voice again.

He said, "I have regrets, but I force myself to live with them. And my situation right now... it doesn't let me think too much."

...

I squeezed my eyes shut.

It was my fault.

I was the source of his regrets.

I was the reason he had to force himself to accept his life.

I was the one who put him in a situation where he "couldn't think too much."

But he seemed to have forgotten that we started this journey together for the sake of each other's dreams.

"Alright, alright, this is getting too heavy. Caleb, what do you want for your birthday?" someone said, trying to break the tension.

Sienna said spitefully, "I don't know what you guys are getting him, but I know what his precious girlfriend gets him. Last year for his birthday, she sent him a card with two lines on it. They weren't even complete sentences."

"She can't even write two sentences? Isn't Caleb's girlfriend a graduate from a top university too?"

Sienna glanced at Caleb and continued her rant. "That doesn't mean anything. You know how worthless some degrees are these days. I remember it just said something like 'Stay safe' and 'Always here.' Seriously, it was so lame. She would've been better off copying lyrics from a pop song."