Chapter 3 Part 3

When his key wouldn't open the new locks, he said. “Come on, Sinclair opens the door; we must discuss this. He said in a calm voice.

But I remained quiet. I felled so many times for the smoothness of his voice. So I kept telling myself not to fall for it. His true nature will show soon enough.

“I know you can hear me. This is embarrassing, and all the neighbors are staring at me. You’re always getting emotional and overreacting! Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. But, But, Sinclair, open the door! Why are you being so vindictive? Why did you change the locks? Open the door so we can fix the problem!”

I refused to open the door. He started banging on the door and jerking the doorknob again like a madman. But a few minutes later, the knocking stopped! I was so relieved things didn’t escalate further than they already had. I didn’t want to call the police, which would have attracted more attention to the apartment. Instead, I walked over to the window to see if he was truly gone.

I watched from the window my ex loading everything in his sports car. Admittedly, it felt good, for once, to see him struggling to put that mattress on top of his hot, smoking red sports car that he loved so much. Then, when he couldn't fit into that small trunk, he pushed all that stuff into the back seat of his car.

He looks up at the window and shouts.

“This is not over! No one double-crosses me and gets away with it!” Then he got in his car and drove away. Was I worried by his words? Yes, a little, but I was far more relieved than anything else that he was gone from my life! It was over.

I never knew I was this strong and determined. I was proud of the strength and fortitude it took to stand up for myself. But now the question was could I continue to stand up on my own two feet?

I had practically taken all the last of my saving and paid to keep a roof over my head for this month. But where will I get that kind of money again in the next 30 days? Plopping down on the sofa, I realized I only had 30 days to come up with another $2,500 for rent, plus get the electricity and gas turned on that he had turned off.

I needed to keep my only connection to the outside world by paying my cell phone bill. I had very little food in the refrigerator, a doggie bag of uneaten lunch from a few days ago. A half a carton of eggs and enough milk to eat two bowls of cereal, maybe three if I ate tiny portions.

Then I remembered the back of the closet. I had a stash of cash—a small jar filled with nickels and a few quarters. Whenever I had coins, I would dump them in a pot. So I entered the closet, opened the jar, poured the cash of currencies on the bed, and started counting. Maybe I could go to the store and get a few more things to sustain me this month. After calculating the cash, it amounted to $15.15.

It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing. I dressed to go to the store and purchase some cold cuts and a loaf of bread. It was cold outside, and the store was about a mile from my place. It would be a nice walk in the spring or maybe summertime, but not in the winter. So, the quickest and warmest way is to catch the bus to and from the store. I had never ridden a public service bus before in New York.

Checking the bus schedule, I headed downstairs with only five minutes to wait for the bus, a block and a half from the apartment building where I lived. The bus stopped before me, and the door slid open.

I walked up to the driver, hoping he would pity me.

“Good afternoon…um…” I glanced at his name tag, trying to sound friendly. "Hi Troy, how much is the bus fare? I'm new to New York."

The driver coldly pointed to the sign. "Oh, $2.75 one way and $5.50 round trip,” I said verbally. I sighed heavily, whispering to the driver, smiling, and holding my hand. "I only can afford $2.75."

The driver tilted his head and looked down at my hand. Then, in a harsh tone, he said.

"Lady, that'll get you a ride one way."

I was stunned at his harsh callous remark. It was so embarrassing as the line of people behind me groaned impatiently. I didn't know what to say or do. But I know bread, cold-cut meat, and a few packs of ramen noodles will sustain me for the next 30 days.

"Move it, lady! It's cold out here!" A man behind me shouted. "Can you hurry and pay the fair? My child is cold!" A lady with a crying baby screamed at me.

I was forced to pay one way, realizing I would be walking back home, about 15 blocks from the store, in 30-degree weather. All this made me despise my ex even more for what he did to me. Instead, I quickly searched for an empty seat on a crowded bus with all eyes on me. Embarrassed and frightened, I held my head down to avoid people staring at me. I sat, wanting to cry, but I held in my tears and humiliation.

With the few things I could afford to purchase, I pulled the coat collar around my neck and began the long walk back home; it was getting dark, and the catcalls from the group of guys on the corner made me nervous. It was the first time I had experienced something like this. It wasn't very comforting. Hence, I walked as fast as my legs could, clutching the grocery bag with a small loaf of bread and cold cuts for dear life. I was shivering to the bone as the cold air cut through my thin coat and made my body numb.

As the sun disappeared, the temperature seemed to get much colder. I finally made it inside the apartment building. I hit the switch, and nothing happened. I had no lights, meaning I had no heat. Anyone who has ever struggled with poverty knows how costly it is to be poor. I sat at the table, wishing I was home in sunny Florida with my family. I didn't realize what poverty felt like until I hit rock bottom, and the thought of me almost being homeless made tears form in the creases of my eyes.

I didn't know what it meant to be destitute, cold, and lonely. I always had friends and family who had my back if needed. But I was just too embarrassed to tell anyone how awful things were going for me here in New York. I certainly didn’t want to hear from my family. We told you so. I was exhausted by the past few days' events and the entire week. I kept wondering what I did so wrong for things to be this horrible.

What I had done was trust! Now I’m in dire straits with only thirty days to turn it around. I felt weak in my mind, heart, soul, and body. I wondered, Can I turn things around? Was there a brighter side of life out there for me?