Chapter 2 Ricko’s Mind

Here is how rickos mind work: Work, drink, rest, eat, drink, get stone, get high, smoke, take pills…….watch TV…..Built things…..Smoke again…..=)

Prior to his 27 Birthday Rickos was already starting to develop a drug addiction but he was more sereine and study for a BA Degree at this University, he took his time and allowance for granted and choose to party more than studying for his test and failed a few time before he finally got to retake this exam, but by the time he graduated nothing of his desiring career choice came along so he had to take on a labor position for he kept for the longest time, got promoted there, made good relationships but forgot about his true calling, his true meaning in life and maybe stop dreaming all together, he had spent so much time using his arms in the field that they were no time for study anything and his lost touch with his genius knowledge passion major in chemistry and physics. He would from time to time contemplate his old books and was proud but never considerate looking for a more suitable position, after all, why did he got a degree if it was to end up in the labor industryjQuery21409049390193635398_1524712316200?? I think rickos had lost faith in the world and himself and he was scared, scared of being rejected again just like all of his relationship failure with womans, this only time he came close to one, the woman turn his back on him and never spoke to him again, she was cold and insensitive. It had left many bruises and scars in his heart that had not yet healed and buzz and psychotic drugs were the key to fix the pain once it for all. But for how long?? everyone knows thats drugs are temporary reliefs, they let you zone out for a few years and so you don't need to worry about your past and your trouble and you can strive and be powerful but one day you find yourself weak and tired, tormented and confuse, he didn't remember much and he started to leave in a very dark place, a place where you can feel others pain and suffering, a place where you can hear worries and sickness calling you, a place where everything is pounding heavy and not allowing you to sleep soundly, a place where the word is cold and cruel. A place that Ricko's didn't want to be but didnt know how to leave……

His delusion had started small, then medium them larger they didn't really follow a common path, they came into his dreams, his thoughts and his worst nightmare. All he wanted to do his shut those scary taught!!!! And image down but the more he did the larger they reappear…..

Rickos was smart so once in a while he try to reinvent himself by keeping himself occupy and try to give back to the people in need has much has possible and would give everything

To his family members and it was his way of feeling peace inside. His sister Emilia his cadette was very demanding and controlling, she never cared for him but always reassured him that she did, her action would say different, she will only appear in Rickos life when she needed large money contribution, a vacation discount, or needed someone to cover the cost of a fancy meal and pay for the tips, she know Rocko obey her like a dog and she could ask him almost anything, what made Ricko feel important is that those time, were this only time he felt needed, included in her circle, if she didn't need his financial support she would criticise his choice, demeanors his possessions and laughed at him anyways she could and usually in public so Ricko would feel hurt and shame, but still he didn't believe that Emilia wanted any harms, years went by and his just continue to follow her demand, his other sister Elisa barely had any relationship with him, she seem to be too busy building the perfect dream life illusion she didn't have time for him.

Celina his mother always took charge of did everything for him and treated him like a child but never gave him the chance to respond or have opinion, it's one thing that she wanted to be in charge of his life but it's another thing that she didn't want him to interfere in her project for him and her choices, she didn't allow him to have any say and she could be threatening, and built fear, drama around the rest of the family string, this how she manipulated everyone, using the family attachment and connections. Rickos didn't want to disappoint his mother so he figure that she wanted the best for him at all time and let him take care of his affair until he was 28 years old.

Wich in the long term end up not being such a great idea because once he was settle and a adult now, she abandoned him in a filthy home that she chose for him at the time she was impatient to get rid of him while he was leaving in her home back then and he was now forced to cover all payment and leave in a very threatening environment covered in pest, and insects and rats. He was so good that he just did it!!!! Made payment after payment despise his drug addiction, and his had many late payment because of it, he spent thousands and thousands in fixing the place who was falling apart and the next door neighbor, a pakistani woman came by on the second year he moved in after her ex was convicted to prison for murder. She came at first for solicitation services and to deliver drugs and started to take his soul, mind by mental, emotional abuse, manipulate him for all his money or threat him and stir fear in his life, day after day, she would scream and yell his name from the back of his garden and he would have to run toward her to answer immediately, she would show up from his back door and just let herself in and force him to seat and listen to her lamentation of the world, she would knock at his window, morning until late night, pondering until he gave her what she wanted.

She knew exactly how much she could corrupt him sexually, mentally and physically, Rickos tried to fight this abuse many time but the pain and fear he endure between her and others act of abuse around his home was unbearable, he was shaky, and out of breath, he felt like they were no ways to control all of them and if he wanted some peace and safety he would have to pay them off and so he did!!!! Year after year, day after day, but nothing never stop, nothing never got better, everything escalated and she demanded more money, and she develop such incredible power over ricko's life that now she could get the money she wanted without render any services and she had rip him off for 9 years, she knew how to feel no guilt by blaming him for her short coming and the more power she gained the more demand and corruption, punition he would get.

Ricko was now in any of his action and thoughts, he had try to deal with the situation the best ways he knew how but he remember when his sister Berta had moved to Japan he felt empty and alone and things got so dark for him for he choose to enter a place of self destruction, he started by leaving in the dark and letting spider webs accumulate, abandon any hobbies he had and grow piles of mess in his living room and bedroom, he had no time to go anywhere but home so he could be here when Alyra the pakistan hore would need him and he got so fed up with the rest of the world that he stop fighting all together, he felt had Berta his closest sister didn't care for him and abandon him has well, so he figure that life isn't worth living but since he had things who needed to be paid if he wanted to still have a home he will continue to do the same thing over and over….. For a decade his life was nothing but stress and stress release via unsanity drugs, when he woke in the morning he didn't feel like getting in the shower and get dress and enjoy the weekend maybe somewhere plaisant, a trip perhaps? A movie? A nice place to eat? A event with good people, no his life resumed around the hore and the very rare visit of old co-workers and sometime he would get childhood accointance and family dinner to go to. Drugs, alcohol were just fine and were making everything easy, didn't need to worry anymore about woman who didn't want him and find him repulsive has he imagine they would, he didn't need to clean up his act, find a conversation or decide on how a date would go, cure his addiction, and he started to develop friendship with his abuser since she was always here.

He stop taking care of his mental state, sanitary condition and even let his hair grow, teeth turned brown and yellow. Life has failed him!!!! Big time! But he didnt knew how it happen??? Who had failed him? Was it the fact they he felt unwanted and no woman had never truly wanted a relationship with him? Or was it the fact that he didn't try hard enough? Was it his past regrets, choices, career loss, dream destruction of a bright a happy future even possible? Was it because his mother Celina had never show compassion for his feeling, his well being or his thoughts? Or because she never gave him enough love, affection all together? Was it because Berta was more popular, was wanted by mans and had abandon him? Was it because his home was falling apart and he was a ATM to his neighbor but try so hard to make it appear different by making friendship with them, hanging out with them he could then say that he wasn't a target, a pear, a toy being manipulated in so many ways!!! But the truth is that all of theses factors had contributed in his suffering and life path but all he ever wanted and did was pursuing his faith and commit to his house payment, try to make it a pleasant place to leave, try to make user and abuser happy, try to be accepted by others, hope to be love by his mother the way he should be unconditionally loved by a parent. Ricko had a good soul and generous spirit, inside he wanted everything to work out and didn't want to see that he was being a target, he didn't want to believe that his mother wanted to emotionally harm him and didn't care for him has much has she pretended to be, he didn't want to face that he was terrorised and suffer so much inside that even this idea of confronting the """Slut, HORSE"" will petrify him and break his mind into little of gum…..

The taugh of her punition such has repetitives irrational fear inductions, she could implement into his mind at every moment will enable him to function, to breath, to sleep, to work and he couldn't allow it.WHo Could? No One wants to suffer this way, but everyone one needs a hand but can you help someone if they don't want your help? Can you change someone if they can't follow? Can you save someone if they choose to turn around into this other directions?