Chapter 3 Valentine

~Beatrix Pov~

Of all the words in the English language, that was the one I chose. Not "no." Not even "I'll think about it." But okay.

Who does that?

Kai's mouth curved into a smile. "Well then, see you Saturday," he said. He got up, slung his bag over his shoulder, and walked away.

I turned to Cruz, who only rolled his eyes and followed his brother. For twins, they gave off very different vibes.

I tried to get back to eating, but the stares didn't stop, and neither did the whispers. So I picked up my tray, tossed the food into the bin , and left the hall.

I've never been so happy to see a day end. I didn't stop anywhere or bump into anyone. I kept my head down and walked fast all the way to my dorm.

The dorms were split down the middle. Girls on the east side, boys on the west, with a wide lawn between them and a warden's office right at the gate.

No boy could follow me here. Not officially, anyway.

We were all adults at Haneul, and adults know how to bend rules. It happened more than the school liked to admit. Girls slipped across the lawn after curfew to visit boyfriends, and the warden pretended not to notice as long as nobody made a scene.

Not that it mattered to me. Nobody was sneaking across a lawn for me.

I shared a room with three girls, which was the standard at Haneul. I always made sure to take my bath early, before any of them got back, so I could pretend to be asleep by the time they walked in.

Tonight, I'd barely pulled on my pyjamas when the door opened.

Rin, Lily, and Penelope.

Penelope and I used to be close. We'd moved into the dorm at the same time, earlier than the other two, and for a while it was just us. But once Rin and Lily came into the picture, she began avoiding me, and we drifted apart.

Rin took one look at me and made a face.

"Don't you find it embarrassing?" she asked.

Lily chuckled. Penelope kept her eyes anywhere but on me.

"A piggy like you, desperate for boys' attention," Rin went on.

I'd done everything I could to avoid these girls, and it had been working. Now the boys had handed them a reason to begin again.

Rin was the perfect mean girl, the kind you'd find in a drama, but she still had some dignity to protect, so she never took any drastic step. Lily was her minion, a bit brainless if I'm being honest, though elegant and pretty. And Penelope? Another old friend added to my list.

Bullying was frowned upon at Haneul, and anyone caught could end up in serious trouble. So nobody did anything terrible, not like in my old schools. They just cast you aside and made sure you felt it.

"Well? Aren't you going to say anything?" Lily asked.

I looked between them, wanting nothing more than to reach my bunk and sleep.

"You wouldn't believe anything I said anyway."

Rin's frown deepened.

"Listen, you fat pig, I don't know what stunt you're trying to pull, but stay the fuck away from Justin."

Justin was Rin's favorite of the four. Every night before bed, it was the same routine: gossip and squealing about the boys until someone finally fell asleep.

"And Kai," Lily added. Kai was her favorite. "Bryan too. And Cruz..."

Brainless, like I said.

"Just stay away from all of them. Understood?" Rin said.

I nodded. Arguing wasn't going to get me anywhere.

"Can I go to sleep now?" I asked, hoping they'd move so I could actually pass.

"Go on," Rin said, stepping aside just enough to make me squeeze through. As I did, she knocked her shoulder against mine, a small laugh escaping her.

I was bigger than the three of them combined. I could have taken them if I wanted to.

But who was I kidding? I'd never had the guts. I'd thought about it, though.

I climbed onto my bunk, pulled the blanket up to my chin, and faced the wall.

It didn't help. Walls don't block sound.

"Did you see Justin's hair today?" Rin sighed, like she was describing a sunset. "Golden. Actually golden."

"Kai was on the field this morning," Lily said. "Shirt off. I nearly died."

"You always nearly die."

"Because he's that fine!"

Someone flopped onto a bed. Someone else giggled. It was the same routine as every night, only tonight my name was sitting in the room with them, unspoken.

"They're throwing a Valentine's party on Saturday," Rin said, and the squealing got louder.

Valentine's?

I pulled out my phone under the blanket and checked the date. No, no, no. Saturday was Valentine's Day.

So that was what my "okay" had meant. Kai hadn't just invited me to a party. He'd asked me to be his Valentine.

Wait. I was getting ahead of myself. This was a dare. There was no way he meant it like that. He wouldn't really want me as his Valentine. That would be ridiculous.

"Do you think she's going?" Penelope asked.

I stopped breathing.

"Who, the pig?" Rin snorted. "Please. She'd have to fit through the gate first. Who'd want that for a Valentine?"

Lily laughed. Penelope didn't say anything else.

I pressed my face into the pillow so nobody could see it, even though the wall was the only thing looking at me.

Fuck it, I told myself, the way Josh would have. Just say fuck it and move on.

I tried. I really did.

But the words kept getting stuck somewhere between my throat and my chest, and all I could hear was Kai's voice, low and rough.

I would really love that.

****

I hadn't left my bed all day, and I didn't plan to. But the noise made it clear tonight was special. Hair dryers, perfume, girls fighting over something. It echoed down the hallway, and my room was no different.

Saturday had come far too quickly. It had been only forty-eight hours since the board, since Kai's invitation, since the whispers started looking for a way in. Right now, I just wished they'd all leave.

"We're late," Lily said. She hated being late for anything.

"Being the life of the party means arriving late," Rin replied. I heard the final hiss of her perfume and hated the scent.

"Let's go," Lily said, and the door opened.

"I'll be right down," Penelope called. "I need to call my parents."

"Okay, be quick."

Their heels clicked away, and the door shut behind them.

"Are you going?" Penelope asked.

I tried not to answer, but I dragged myself upright anyway. "I don't know," I said, tugging at my pyjamas.

"Okay." She paused, staring at me a little too long. "It would be fun, though."

Fun. I doubted there was anything fun about what people our age did at parties besides drinking and hooking up.

"I don't have anything to wear," I said.

She studied me for a moment, then just nodded. "Alright." She walked to the door. " Have a goodnight."

The door closed.

I hadn't been lying. Haneul had a uniform dress code, so I'd never had to worry about what to wear. And since I never went out, I'd never bothered buying anything fancy. All I had were some extra track clothes. Could I just wear those?

Wouldn't that be embarrassing?

I froze.

"Wait. Hold up." I scrambled out of bed. "That's it."

Embarrassing. If I showed up looking embarrassing enough, they'd lose interest.

I smiled.

"I can do this," I said slowly. Then, louder: "Fuck it!"

It echoed, startling me. Thankfully, nobody was left in the dorm to hear it.