Chapter 2 The Wake

"Pilar, Pilar... wake up!" - Rafael shouted desperately - We need to call a doctor!

"Mummy, wake up!" — I shouted in tears — She doesn't react, my God! — I noticed that a light amount of blood was oozing from her head, which did not stop me from panicking — Help! Her head is bleeding! Mommy! The blood flowed through my fingers, while I felt her head in an attempt to stop it, however, I was more terrified and not knowing what to do.

“We can take you to the doctor in my car. My family doctor is great, he'll take care of her case — Rodrigo suggested, already lifting my mother's inert body in his arms and heading towards the door.

— It must be expensive, we don't have money to pay a doctor — I explained, while trying to reach him.

— Don't worry, I'll pay for everything — he said in a delicate tone — The important thing is to take your mother to the doctor. Rodrigo ran with my mother in his arms to his car. I opened the door and sat in the back passenger seat, with a towel in hand and adjusted it on my legs, waiting for Rodrigo to finish putting my mother lying down with her bloodied head in my lap. Once again our faces were very close, however, again it was neither time nor place for such an approximation.

I hear the roar of the engine growl and concentrate on holding the towel to my mother's face.

"Is it going to take long to get there?" — I asked to break the tense silence that enveloped the whole car and I also needed to stay active to ease my agony.

- Not, we'll be there in five minutes,” he replied trying to calm me down, his gaze in the rearview mirror was soft and serene.

Rodrigo drummed again, fingers on the steering wheel, showing that despite his simple face, he was anxious. Rafael, he has always been very close to my mother for as long as I can remember. So it will never be a surprise to see you around, Out of the corner of my eye I watch him in the passenger seat, his attention on the watch on his wrist, whose fingers are constantly swiping across the screen. Exasperated, he loosened his shirt collar as if he were short of breath, an act that did not go unnoticed by Rodrigo.

- Are you okay? Rodrigo asked, dividing his attention from the road to Rafael.

- Yes I'm fine. Just a little nervous about this whole situation - he replied running his hands through his straight hair.

"Rafa, are you really all right?" I insist, worried.

- Yes my dear. — He said turning to me — Don't worry, it's okay, my princess — He tries to reassure me, but the smile on his face didn't reach his eyes. Rafael is very close to my mother. He was a very good friend of her family, and my father never liked the closeness of the two, he even went so far as to accuse my mother of being unfaithful, as if he had any morality to accuse her. But what to expect from my father, after all, he was a sick hypocrite, despite that, Rafael and my mother never let their friendship be shaken because of this.

⁂

We arrived at the hospital where Rodrigo's family doctor worked. The car was parked at the entrance, Rodrigo got out of the vehicle, leaning against my passenger window.

"Hold on, I'm going to talk to Doctor Soriano." He's going to send his team to come get her — he said calmly — Stay here with them, I'll be back in a moment — he asked Rafael, who was already getting out of the car to accompany him.

I see Rodrigo rushing into the hospital, giving a perfect view of his beautiful ass as he runs. Focused on the man who disappeared at the entrance door, I hear my mother pronounce random words indicating that she is starting to delirious in my lap, I didn't know what else to do, her head was still bleeding leaving the blue towel completely soaked. I needed to do something, so I looked up and saw Rafael holding a bottle of water, lifting it to his mouth. "Give me that water bottle!" I asked Rafael, who handed it to me without understanding what he was about to do.

I looked around the car and saw Rodrigo's shirt, ripping it in two. I threw some water on the cloth and passed it with light movements on his head to clean the excess blood in almost the entire region, and then I put the other part with Rafael's help over the wound to stop the bleeding. Anxious, I turn in the direction that Rodrigo had gone and I see him returning with that Doctor Soriano and three more nurses who are bringing a stretcher.

- Thank my god! I said thank you, clasping my hands together. "Get her!" — ordered the doctor to the nurses — What's the patient's name?

"Pilar Viana Leoni," I replied, trying to stand my ground in the face of medical help.

- OK!

The nurses took my mother out of the car and put her on the gurney, and proceeded inside the hospital.

"Miss, are you related to the patient?"

— Yes, I am a daughter. — You need to go register with your mother's information while we try to contain the bleeding from the cut, don't worry your mother will have a great treatment here.

"Thank you, Doctor!" — I thanked her, breathing tenderly in relief to see that she was finally being attended to.

- It's gonna be okay, your mother is in better hands now,” Rodrigo comforted me.

- I need to make arrangements for my father's wake, but I don't want to leave you alone.

— I can keep her, that's the time you can sort things out for the wake — Rafael agreed — Don't worry, I'll register Pilar.

"Oh no, I don't want to bother you," I say awkwardly, Rafael was always a great friend and I never saw him away from our family.

— No trouble at all, I insist — he said, ruffling my hair — Go Martina, I'll take care of your mother.

— I'm going with you, I want to help you — Rodrigo offered, grabbing my hand.

- It is not necessary. You've done too much for me today, I don't even know how to thank you. I'm just a stranger and you helped me. Thank you so much... really from the heart. I promise I'll refund you all the money spent on my mother's hospital expenses. I'll pay tintin for tintin — I guaranteed.

"Imagine, you don't have to pay me anything." I did it gladly and I really enjoyed meeting you, I would do even more if I had it within my reach - he said in a sweet and smooth voice, making me extremely silly with all the attention I was receiving.

"Thank you, but I insist on paying for everything." I'll do it my way, but I'll pay you. I prefer not to owe anyone anything.

"You must be so proud, Oh really? she questioned arching one of her eyebrows.

Those words made me stop for a moment and look at him with different eyes, a more intense, serene and even admirable look, but I still maintained my pride.

“Okay, okay, guys. I don't want to be a spoilsport, but you should go now. Leave it to flirt later, beauty? - Rafael said, leaving towards the reception to register my mother in the hospital wing.

— Leave it to Rafael, I'll accompany our dear Martina...

"Put her in here," the doctor's voice interrupted us. The nurses who took my mother to the emergency room brought her to a very fancy room and put her to bed. We had no news, but she already had a bandage.

— Thank you, you can leave and ask Vera to come here! — The doctor dismissed the nurses while he assessed my mother's condition. The three of us stayed outside the room as per hospital regulations, but from a distance you could see my entire distress. The doctor asked us to wait and then closed the door, which made me more anxious, not knowing anything, not being aware of her condition, just waiting. Rodrigo hugged me just like he had in the bathroom at school.

— It's going to be okay — he whispered only for me to hear — The most complicated part is over, now, stay calm.

We held each other for a long time, but Rafael, who was sitting in the waiting chair, his head resting between his knees, looked very downcast, I knew how hard it was for him to see his friend in that state, so I went over to give him a hug.

— Thanks for everything — I thanked him, Rafael was like a father to me and seeing how hurt he was made me sad.

The nurse, called by the doctor, entered my mother's room and my heart began to flutter with anxiety. I bit the bottom of my lip and took a deep breath to try to remain calm, unsuccessfully getting up from the chair.

"Can you stop going around in circles?" This is going to make me sick — Rodrigo said as he got up from the armchair — Calm down, Martina, please! Come, sit here with me. A few minutes later I see Doctor Soriano leave the room with the nurse. I promptly get up and walk towards her.

- Excuse me. said Nurse Vera when she noticed our presence and then left.

- All. we said in unison.

— So doctor, how is my mother?

— The patient is stable, it was nothing serious, just a cut from the blow she took, but we'll dress her up again and tomorrow she can go home.

Relieved by the confirmation that it was nothing serious, I collapse in the armchair, my concern in that hospital was clear. I never liked hospitals, so many people moving to and fro and, you still have my father's death and the wake things to prepare. There are so many things going through my mind right now that I don't even know how I'm still standing.

⁂

After being able to see my mother for at least a few minutes, I was able to remain calm in solving the problems that Saulo left me even after he died. Rafael remained in the hospital with my mother. She had received the bandages, she was well and resting, which was a blessing in the midst of all the confusion that will occur today. Deep breathing was becoming my new mantra.

In the car on the way home, I ended up dozing, I didn't even see it when we got to my house. Just when Rodrigo started touching my face gently, as he called out to me. I open my eyes to find a beautiful pair of sapphire blue irises shimmering under the streetlights as if it were my own private sky.

"So beautiful!"

— It's a shame to have met you like this, but it was still an immense pleasure — lamented — Martina Leoni, was a pleasure to meet you! she whispered, tucking a loose strand of my hair behind my ear.

— I'm sorry, I wish I had met you on another occasion.

— Don't be sorry, you're not to blame for anything. It happens, but you don't seem to be sad about your father's death. You didn't have a good relationship, I presume?

- Yes, you're right — he said, lowering his head — In fact, Saulo was the worst father in the world, a true monster... I hate him even when he's dead, I hate him for all the harm he's done to me and my mother. For the countless physical and psychological aggressions he did to her, for the countless betrayals she had to endure, for everything he meant to both of us. And the worst of all is that he liked to do it, I could see in his face the satisfaction of disgracing our lives — I vented to Rodrigo and tears streamed down my eyes remembering everything he did.

Rodrigo just listened, seemed to understand, he placed his hand on my chin and gently lifted my head until our eyes met.

“You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. she commented, stroking my chin with her thumb. — And I believe that not even in other lives will there be someone as beautiful as you. she said as she slid her finger across my lips, while approaching his face to mine in a clear sign that he was about to kiss me.

"He's going to kiss me, he's going to kiss me! What do I do, ahh?!"

"No, please stop!" — I asked, placing my hand on his chest — It's not the time, my father is dead, my mother is in the hospital and... I just met you! I said, changing my voice a little. Rodrigo tasted the lips, in a tempting way that I almost forgot why that moment felt so wrong, running his hands through his black hair, appearing to be frustrated and, at the same time, a little terrible for the situation.

- Need to go. - I comment as I unlock the doorknob, he needed to get out of the car.

- Goodbye, Martina! His soft voice makes me stop and want to study his face.

"Bye and thanks for everything!" I thanked you once more.

— It was nothing, I would do it all over again and with the greatest pleasure. —he gave a huge smile, showing all his white teeth — See you around!

Rodrigo started the engine and in a loud roar his Ferrari disappeared around the corner. Those words enchanted me and the sweet way they addressed me made my heart flutter. With a goofy smile on my face, I turned away.

With short steps I arrive at the front door of the house, when I unlock it I go straight until I reach the sofa, sitting down I go over the whole conversation with Rodrigo. I was thoughtful about him, because like it or not, he was a true angel in these difficult times. That boy attracted me in an inexplicable way, he managed to leave me radiating happiness for a long time. However, his presence was no longer there and, facing all my fears, I picked up the phone on the table in the living room and called the infernal relatives to arrange the final preparations for my father's wake.

⁂

Finally it was dawn and the day to bury Saulo definitively in our lives had arrived. Was it cruel? But that's all I could feel after everything he'd done. I didn't want to wear black clothes. Because I don't feel like I should be grieving, and yes, I see this whole situation as a real deliverance. So I'm wearing a beautiful pink dress as a huge affront to my dear papa and my most dignified paternal family who are all there — my grandparents, uncles and aunts — with the most washed-out faces in the world.

"A Bunch of Hypocrites" They knew exactly what my father did with my mother, and they still supported him. I couldn't even bear to look at them, I could only feel contempt for all these people and I know it was totally mutual. When they saw me in the pink flared dress, the scowls they gave made it clear I never belonged to that family. From this nest of bloodthirsty vipers, the only one who was saved was my cousin Paul — son of my aunt Augusta —, a sweet and nice boy, apart from him, but nobody.

Every minute there increased the anxiety to look at my father for the last time, however, the coffin was sealed, making it impossible to spill all my neglect looking in his face. Strange why, since they rarely closed the coffins before ending the wake.

"Why is Daddy's coffin sealed?" I asked as they approached the group of snakes.

— The conditions in which Saulo was found did not allow for such exposure, my dear — My grandmother replied in a hoarse and sinister voice, his eyes were fixed on me, saying something I couldn't interpret, but it wasn't a good thing.

"Damn it!"

Upset, I leave the nest, I really wanted to say goodbye to my father in a very satisfactory way. Once I'm out of the house, I await the arrival of my mother — who, around nine o'clock at night — arrived with Rafael from the hospital. The theater started the moment they saw her, when my relatives got out of the car they went to hug her in the greatest falsehood, it seemed that they never did anything wrong to her, or that they never pretended not to see my father's cruelties.

A real circus would define it better, the stupidity of the people who threatened my mother so that she wouldn't report it disgusted me. I couldn't stand seeing so much cynicism and dissimulation anymore, so I left the room, going to the kitchen to get a glass of water. That whole situation was too much for me, but I can't be rude at my great father's wake, despite the fact that he was never really a father.

The night would be long, it would be full of weeping and wailing, but not on my part. .

⁂

The next day everyone was preparing for the burial. Rafael was still consoling my mother, who was having another crying spell while I was comforting my cousin.

Ready, the long-awaited march began. My paternal uncles and some neighbors carried the coffin on their shoulders and so we went for the last goodbye. Several people known to my father were crying, a real show of whimpering and throughout the journey I only carried a rose that was completely alien to me.

Arriving at my father's tombstone, the priest would start with the boring directives and tributes to the deceased before burying.

Enjoying the view of the place, that although it was a place of pain, there was a lot of color and harmony. Several ipês adorned the place, their multicolored flowers bathed the green grass in pinks, yellows and formerly lilacs. The rose bushes and magnolias brought a unique delicacy, and everything there conveyed peace.

The priest's voice sounded distant, but still I hear him call my father an honorable man, a family man and an exemplary husband. Which reminds me of the many times that Saulo was a family man and an exemplary husband within our home. Once my father came home drunk, messy, stinking of cachaça and making out with a prostitute. All this in front of my mother without any respect or emotional responsibility. After all, I was a child at the time, and to hear my father humiliate my mother in the cruelest way ever, even going so far as to compare the whore in question as a superior woman to my mother was too much for me.

That day they argued ugly, finishing only with a punch that the exemplary husband threw in his face. My mother stayed for about five days with purple skin and a cut in the corner of her mouth — which had stained her entire blouse with blood — and then she took the whore to the couple's room. This room, where he slept with my mother and without feeling any remorse, at least for the unforgivable aggression. My mother collapsed right there. And oddly enough, that was nothing compared to the years that came later.

I thought there was no way Saulo could be any more monstrous than that day, however, when I grew up he managed to overcome himself in the scrotice doing something I never imagined that such dirt came from my own father. I feel someone approaching from behind, but I don't move. A strong hand touches my shoulder, which makes me turn around automatically — it was Rodrigo —, he was wearing dark glasses, a black suit and holding an umbrella in his left hand. black rain. He looked like a character created to play an agent from the MIB movie - The Men in Black, I had to hold back the laughter because he was very funny, although he exuded confidence.

"What's he doing here?"

— Hi, Martina! I came to deliver his backpack that you left with Herbert. he said, handing over the backpack. “Herbert?! Is that boy's name? Funny, I left my backpack in his locker and we didn't even introduce ourselves - I pointed out taking the backpack from his hand.

— He kept it with great affection, I believe everything is intact. But see there? - he said urging me to check my backpack. — Yes it is — searching everything — How did you find me? I asked the analysand from top to bottom.

— Yeah… well, a little bird told me you'd be here paying your last respects to your father — he mocked — I hope I haven't done anything crazy. he confessed, moving closer to me until we were together under the umbrella. — Just don't spit in the coffin, because it's sealed and obvious so you don't risk going to hell as an excommunicate — I admitted when I looked again at the place where the priest was conducting the ceremony. - Our! You really are a motherfucker — he joked and we laughed together — How is Dona Pilar? — He asked when he saw my mother desolate at the same moment that she received a hug from Rafael.

— She's fine, as far as possible — I commented when I saw my mother so small in that hug, but she's strong, so without having any more doubts I said: — She'll be fine , be sure about it. My mother has been through a lot in this life, Saulo's death is the lesser of evils.

"Since your father's funeral is all right for you," Rodrigo said, looking me up and down, pointing with his eyes at the fact that I was not dressed appropriately for mourning — Why don't we finish where we left off? He came closer and closer, closing the mere space between us.

His woody scent invaded me, anesthetizing my senses, his hand lifted until it touched my chin. My breathing is uneven and my eyes fall on his lips — admiring — demonstrating an immense desire to kiss them. But when I raise my eyes, to meet the sea that are his eyes, I see the question that asked me for permission to go ahead.

— Huh?! I clear my throat, trying to form the words that don't want to be said. "Because this is not the time or place for it." I immediately removed his hand from my chin. “Thanks for giving me back my backpack, and thank Herbert for me.

- OK. I won't insist, but I won't give up either - He subpoenaed slowly moving away. "Give my regards to your mother." Even Martina!

As Rodrigo walked to the exit, I noticed that I was a little disappointed that things didn't turn out the way he wanted, but maybe one day I can reward him. A thin scream echoes in the environment catching my attention, my grandmother was trying to cling to the coffin begging them to leave her son there a little longer. The scene was regrettable, but Saulo didn't deserve all that attention. They lowered my father's coffin. I dropped my backpack to the ground and walked over to the grave. And as tradition dictates, I took a handful of earth, and with all the hatred and strength I threw it in the grave as a sign of revolt. The freedom in me was swayed by my mother, and finally I broke the whole rose by throwing it harder, returning for the first and last time all the harm that Saul did to us.

Leaving there desolate and in tears, my mother grabbed me by the arm to scold me when I was going to pick up my backpack from the floor.

- Daughter? What was this? It's your father's grave...

— What the hell! — I interrupted her — That wasn't a father, it was a monster and you know it! I will not be part of this joke! I released my arm from his hand, grabbing my backpack and heading towards the cemetery exit.