Chapter 2 Distractions

I sat on my bed with my laptop on my lap, I was going through my acceptance letter from Kingston College, I smiled. Apart from being able to put up with the toxicity in my home, this acceptance letter staring at me is my greatest achievement.

I have written a lot of examinations in different schools but failed almost all which is why my father never ceases to call me dumb. Faraday's College has been my choice of school since I graduated from high school, It's a school with so much excellence, the fact that their background color is black excites me, students are their priority, there's less record on suicide, all depressed students have counselors assigned to them, they have the highest record of successful graduates, the best school ever but I wasn't able to get in due to my low grades.

Studying and concentrating was always hard for me, I would always read one line close to six times, my head was always aching, I had and still have a whole lot to deal with. The sight of my mom in pain weakens me, flashbacks of the memories break me down, I started overthinking about what I would do to free her of her pains, a point I wished my father died but I had a rethink, he's not supposed to die, at least not yet. I would want him to see the dumb girl win, I'll kill him with "kindness"

I moved out of our home to go stay with Mrs. Phil so I'd study for my examination. Even as I moved there, it was still hard for me but I was able to suppress it because I wasn't witnessing the toxicity at that moment.  Mrs. Phil was that woman my mom has always confided in, she has always been her friend ever since she met her in the church during her husband's burial thanksgiving. Nancy, her daughter was my best friend until she got into College, changed her circle, and became different. I studied hard, I stayed up all night, due to my poor grades in high school, I needed to skyrocket my grades so I underwent so many tutorials online and it helped.

I wrote my examinations and passed, but nothing at all can ever please my dad, he still called me dumb. He is unappeasable.  I told him I got accepted to major in the English Language at Kingston College but the response I got from my dad made a mood of despondency set in. *Flashback* "Faraday's College isn't for you because you're dumb just like your mom"  I shook my head swiftly, the flashback had put me in dejection. I suddenly recalled the plan to meet Richard at his domicile, I picked up my phone and dialed his number but unfortunately it was out of reach. I dropped a voicemail, I have always loved voicemails.

"What do I do?" I ask myself I am a twenty-year-old introvert but an introvert who loves having fun in my abode.  My circle is so small because I talk to people only when talked to, I love soundless places; my brain is always in use at all times. People think I'm a tight-lipped person but I'm far from it, I can be crazy only when I get comfortable, Richard loves my crazy side.

"Richard" I whispered his name smiling. A 5'7ft Twenty-two years old guy, He has a blue colored eye, those blue eyes were ocean-strong, swimming with warm sun-lit currents. His nose pointed, his skin color brown and glowing, he has the brightest, cut, energetic, and contagious smile ever. He's my ideal type; my spec. A perfect combination of imperfections. He is not a person with high-end dreams, but with high-end values. He is not a person who finds happiness in extremely costly items, but someone who finds happiness in mere things.

He is a person with high self-esteem but doesn't come up when I am with him. He will lose his cool too often but comes back to me with a cute puppy face. He doesn't hesitate to help people, he's more like a caregiver. I hate to think this way but he's husband material.

And it's never an ideal relationship between us, I am scared of commitments and I have trust issues. He gives me confidence when I feel low. He gives me the courage when I am scared like a chicken. He would crack jokes, and I'll laugh till I start crying. And most importantly, he gives me the confidence that I will be safe with him but I'm too scared to try nevertheless he's willing to wait.

"Ruchama, Are you alright?" my mom asked. She prefers to call me by that Hebrew name, she says I am her comfort and hope. She stood by the door looking worn out with so much concern in her eyes she asked if I was alright again. I didn't notice the door open and close, of course, I won't; I was reminiscing about my crush. "I'm fine Mom, welcome home," I said smiling as I walk to her for a big hug. We chatted about work and a new food recipe she'd like to try. I quickly showered for the third day, not my fault. My fanaticism as regards tidiness and neatness is something else. I joined my mother in the kitchen, watching and helping her cook is one of the best memories I'll ever cherish

"How's Richard by the way?" She asked nonchalantly. My mom knows the chemistry between us but acts like she doesn't.

"Richard's fine, we were supposed to meet today but I can't reach him," I said  "Maybe he got caught up with something and forgot to have his phone plugged in, he'll call you soon," my mom said assurance. She started one of her counseling sessions again, this time around she made me see reasons why I should say yes to Richard...

"Mom, you don't just. . ." My mom's phone interrupted. I quickly moved to the microwave to get the phone placed on it. I looked at the phone and it was a video call request from my brother. My mom accepted the call request and surprisingly, Nicole was with him. He had gone to see her since he was in town at that moment. We blabbed and chatted about so many things till we got tired of talking and laughing. I looked at my mom, the genuine laugh and overwhelmed were visible, I wished she'd remain as happy as a Lark her whole life.