Chapter 3 Elisabeth

We took a bus that rainy afternoon. Elisabeth seemed nervous, with the storm, with the situation, with me. The streets were flooded, and I was drowning in a feverish sea of ​​malaise that had been raging for days. I was nine years old, and my mother took me to the nearest hospital – almost fifty kilometers away – worried about something serious that I had. I don't remember everything that happened, but I do remember that on that difficult day we talked for a few minutes about something painful. — Why don't you call my father? – I asked with a hoarse whisper. — No need – she answered me without looking into my eyes. — Need, sim, mother – I whispered again – why don't you call? I want to meet you. I remember her silence. From the expression on his face changing from nervous to something far more striking. She closed her eyes, ran her fingers over her temple. Though, today, I know she thought a lot before telling me that and completely changing my view about the guy I called dad. — Listen, Zoe – he caressed my face – you don't have a father. I am your father, because I have been the one who has carried you, loved you, been always by your side and will always be. It was difficult, and it will continue to be, but we have one, the other and that's enough. — But mother – I was delusional to insist so much on that subject – everyone has a father. — Not everyone, little flower. When you grow up, you will understand this. And I understood. Turns out my dad, meaning the guy who got my mom pregnant, never wanted to be a dad, but Elizabeth figured that out a little late. It was an ineffable romance for her. They made vows of love, promises, plans for a life together and she, in love, didn't doubt any of them. He convinced her to prove his undying love, and she was so happy and fulfilled she went to bed with him. A single time was enough for the fruit of her disillusionment to sprout within her. A single conversation was enough for Elisabeth to know that the man who swore to love her had another life, other plans. His priorities and goals were many, but none of them described him as a father. He left, not only abandoning a pregnant woman, but denying the responsibility of a lifetime. It was an ordinary story, nothing extraordinary, nothing surprising. As I grew up, finding this type of abandonment was more common than I realized. But what I still don't understand is why I wanted someone I'd never met by my side. Someone who never picked me up, who never hugged me, who never called me daughter. Someone who refused to love me. How could I question my mother about a ghost? How could I doubt that she would be able to take care of me alone? And the years passed with Elisabeth devoting herself to me so intensely that I even forgot I made that mistake. I completely forgot I had a father. Until today. Now, in front of this man I don't know, he didn't show any reaction. I look into his eyes, which look happy to see me. His face, so downcast for a moment, seems to shine with that smile, sincere, I don't know. But I can't feel anything but the shock of surprise. He steps forward still smiling, I decline, scared now. — Hi, Zoe, – he says. — Why are you here? – My mother comes between the two of us – Why did you come back after so long? For what, Richard? He doesn't answer, I remain silent too. Paulo approaches Elisabeth, whispering something in her ear. She nods. Then walks to the man and invites him to enter the church. — Talk to you later. - Your eyes are now blurry. She wipes away her tears, kisses my cheek, and walks back into the church. I don't protest, nor do I want to join that conversation. I know they will talk about me. Discuss my future. Decide whether I should talk to that man, or at least listen to what he has to say, but I don't care about any of that. I'm still in shock. I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with my life again. The guests gradually dissipate, but everyone who passes by me expresses a look of pity and leaves, whispering something that I know is not pleasant at all. I feel like crying. Running away, but that hand that holds my shoulder keeps me from running away from my worst nightmares. — Elisabeth asked me to drive you to the party. I feel angry. Not just for Richard ruining my wedding, but for him talking to Zoe. Because he is who he is. I enter the church very furious, walking in a hurry towards that man that I once loved, but now I just want to hit him right in the face, for everything he put me through one day. He is posted in front of the altar. The same altar that minutes ago I swore eternal love to the man who is now my husband. Paulo is beside him, watching him. Richard has his hands clasped together, his eyes closed, the expression on his face tight. It sounds like prayer, but I don't mind interrupting your very spiritual moment. I'll be speaking right away. — Really ask God to deliver you from what is surely to come if you insist on wanting to talk to Zoe. He opens his eyes slowly, makes the sign of the cross, but doesn't seem embarrassed. — Fine by me? – he says, glaring at me – Do you want me to start my prayers now, Elisabeth? Or only after talking to her? I feel the acidity churn in my stomach and rise into my throat. I'm irritated, but for a moment I feel helpless. —What do you intend, Richard? – I shout, even though I shouldn't – demand your paternal right? Don't you think it's a little late for that? — All I ask is that you let me talk to her. An almost suffocating lump forms in my throat and the next thing I know I'm crying again. Paulo approaches in silence, kisses me tenderly as if he knew that would calm me down. I breathe once, twice. I reformulate a whole discourse of a protective mother, abandoned one day, pregnant, but who took care of her daughter alone for all these years, doing her best so that she would never feel the lack of a father. I give him a piercing look and even open my mouth to throw at Richard everything he deserves to hear, but nothing comes out of me. Not a single syllable. — I'm sorry – His back is turned, and I hear the regret in his voice – we can't rewrite the past, but I can still change the future. I let out a low, inaccessible laugh at his confession. This is certainly not the same man who abandoned me twenty-three years ago. Richard, who got me pregnant, was a greedy boy, capable of going over anything and everyone to achieve his wildest goals. In fact, I never knew what he wanted for his life. He never told me about his dreams, his family, or his friends. But I only learned later that he wanted anything but to be a father. — Nothing done – I say firmly – You can't fix things, let alone start acting like a father Zoe never knew who he was. No phone calls, no letters. You left her no memory that she should be proud of. Richard gives me a pointed look. Suddenly, I see Zoe's gaze on him. I wonder what else besides that she must look like him. I never knew its true nature because I was too fascinated by its beauty to be exposed and shamelessly offered to anyone who wanted to take advantage of it. Richard was the Arthur of my day. All the girls wanted him, they groveled at his feet and I, naively, was one of them. I fell madly in love with that cocky kid, and soon I was easy prey in his fatal trap. He swore to me of love. Promised me eternal love. I believed in his words and surrendered. Our case lasted a few weeks. I got pregnant and he disappeared. Aunt Judith, who took care of me after my parents passed away, also left months before my dear Zoe was born. And I found myself alone, at nineteen, without a job, without a family, without anyone. I faced the world, the criticism, and I won. I took care of Zoe with everything I had left, my love. Not only that, but I got an excellent job at city hall. I worked full time. The mayor at the time allowed me to take her to work and that made my life a lot easier. But not everything was storms. I got good friends who helped me and slowly everything fell into place. If you ask me today how I got it, I can say without fear of being wrong that it was for Zoe. It was love for her that brought me here. — I know it's hard for you to believe me, – Richard cleared his throat, turned pale, leaning against one of the pews in the church – but what I have to say to her is especially important, Elisabeth. Please don't deny me that. For a moment I feel sorry for him, and I even believe his words, but then I go back to hating him all over again. — Let Zoe decide that – I say looking for the last time, before turning my back and starting to walk towards the exit – But I very much doubt that she wants to exchange any words with you. Therefore, give up. I'm now outside, feeling my heart thump hard against my chest. Paulo's hand affectionately hold my shoulder. Furthermore, I turn to him and collapse into his arms. — He managed to ruin what was left of our special day – I'm sorry, with my body still glued to his – I hope he forgets this story and disappears from our lives once again. — I wouldn't count on it – he says with a sigh as he kisses my forehead – the man seemed pretty determined to move on. — That's what I do? My irritation revisits again. I'm desperate. — Let things take their course – I clench my teeth trying to control myself, with his comment – ​​I know how much this story hurts you, but you need to let Zoe make her own choices. Paulo's hand squeezes mine. I try to keep my voice calm as I retort. —Who knows what this man wants with us now. Good things certainly should not be. — Honey, look – he says, pulling away and looking straight into my eyes – don't impose himself if Zoe decides to talk to him. Whatever this guy's intentions are, we'll soon find out. I want to argue one more time. I stomp my foot and say no, blocking any approach from him, but I swallow my frustration and shut up. I forced myself to remain calm and forget about this whole mess for a moment. Now I'm a married woman, with a party awaiting us right now. I return to the bright side of my reality and a smile shine on my lips again. Now I'm the first lady of this city, and that already fascinates me. — We need to go. I hold her hand, and we walk to the car parked waiting for us. I get in the vehicle. Likewise, I exhale sharply into the chilly night air, and we are off leaving a big problem behind. Just for the rest of this night, she won't haunt me anymore.