Chapter 2

2

That night, after dinner, I was looking at plane tickets when someone knocked on my door.

I thought it was my mom, but it was Joy.

Her parents died young, her grandpa was busy with the company, so she mostly lived with us.

I stared at her, confused. "What are you doing here?"

She hadn't knocked on my door in like fifteen years.

Joy hesitated, frowning. Finally, she said, "Why Indiana?"

Seeing Joy at nineteen again made me squint.

She was gorgeous, every guy wanted her.

Seriously, any dude would do a double-take if he saw Joy.

But I didn't feel anything for her.

I crashed on the way to see Joy.

She told me she'd be at some business dinner, back late.

But she didn't come home till dawn.

I called, she didn't answer. No texts back.

I was worried, so I rushed out to find her.

I had a bad cold, I was weak, running a fever.

But I dragged myself out to look for her.

And that's how I died.

When I got to the hospital, only my daughter was there.

She called Joy a million times, but Joy didn't pick up.

Finally, I was fading fast. My daughter, worried I'd die with regrets, told me Joy was at the dinner with her ex.

I didn't know what to say.

The hope of seeing Joy before I died vanished.

Thinking about it, I felt a sharp pain.

I looked at Joy, my gaze cold.

"What's it to you? You didn't want me to go to the same college as you, right? I'm doing what you want. I won't bother you, and I don't want you in my life."

She looked shocked.

She started to say something, but I slammed the door in her face.

I took a few deep breaths, calmed down, and tried not to think about it.

Later, my dad woke me up. He dragged me to the living room.

Joy was sobbing on the couch.

My dad glared at me. "Why Indiana? What about Joy? She has to go to New York alone?"

"Change your application, go to New York with Joy. You love her, right? You'd let her be alone?"

I looked at Joy's red eyes.

The old me would have been so worried.

If it made her happy, I'd have torn off an arm and made soup out of it.

But now, I didn't feel a damn thing.

I spoke a little louder? Big deal.

She said way worse crap to me last time.

Thinking about it, I got pissed.

I started yelling at my dad.

My mom came rushing in.

She sided with my dad, chewing me out.

She pulled my dad behind her, saying I shouldn't talk back.

Even when she argued with me, she protected him.

I was getting a lecture but feeling more alone than anything.

Last time, when I got into arguments, Joy never said a word for me. She even took other people's sides.

I wanted her to stand by me, even if she just glared at the other person. But it never happened.

I was a failure.

Even my wife wouldn't stand with me.

Wait. That was my fantasy. In Joy's eyes, was I ever her husband?

My eyes burned, and I choked back a sob.

I'd always been alone.

My parents saw something was wrong and came to comfort me.

"Son, what's wrong? Tell me, what happened?"

I shook my head, dizzy.

Joy saw me stumble and stood up, trying to steady me.

I pushed her away.

Looking at her frozen face, I was disgusted.

Then I looked at my parents, my voice firm. "I'd rather die than go to NYU. I'm going to Indiana."

"And stop trying to set me up with Joy. She never loved me, and I don't love her anymore. I don't want to see her again."