Chapter 1

Spencer pinned Chloe, the new girl in our lab, to the top of his iMessage. But he refused to pin me.

So I broke up with him.

My best friend, Maya, couldn’t believe it. "Over something that small?"

Everyone thought I'd regret it.

After all, Spencer was the perfect boyfriend.

He planned out every step for me, from my bachelor's degree to my direct Ph.D. program, making sure we'd end up at the same top-tier university.

He meticulously analyzed which cities would be best for us to settle in, considering everything from the job market and housing prices to the quality of life.

His Moleskine notebook was filled with a detailed ten-year plan for "us."

It was so precise it even noted the year we'd have enough for a down payment on a house in Austin and the year we should have our first child.

But he wouldn't pin my conversation in iMessage.

He thought spending five seconds to text me goodnight was a waste of his precious research time.

Yet, he was willing to spend two whole weeks holding Chloe's hand through a project she couldn't figure out―the star new member of his team.

"It's for work," he explained. "She's the main collaborator on the grant proposal. This is about our future."

I knew.

I knew all of it.

But I didn't want to live in his future anymore. I just wanted to live in my present.

...

The day before our five-year anniversary, I tried to coax him into pinning our chat.

[It's seriously the only anniversary gift I want. Please, just this once?]

It was probably the seventh time I had asked.

He had refused the first six times.

Right now, he had ninety-nine pinned conversations.

There was Chloe from the lab, his advisor Professor Davies, and all sorts of project groups and academic seminar chats.

But not me.

My feelings had cycled from confusion to hurt and anger, and now, finally, to a flat, calm emptiness.

It had been twelve hours since I sent that text. It still just said, "Delivered." No reply.

I wasn’t surprised.

After all, Spencer was always busy. Not texting back was his normal.

Once, he went to Chicago on a business trip with his advisor and didn't message me once for two weeks.

If I hadn't seen Chloe, who was also on the trip, posting Instagram Stories like usual, I would have thought he'd gotten into an accident.

It's pathetic, really. I had to find out what my own boyfriend was up to through someone else's social media.

This time was no different. I scrolled through Chloe's IG Stories and saw their academic summit in Chicago had ended. They were at a celebration dinner at the hotel.

The most stressful part of their trip was over.

Still no reply from Spencer.

I called him directly.

He finally picked up on the third try.

"What's up?"

The weariness in his voice, mixed with the static on the line, sent a chill through me.

I gripped my phone tighter.

"Today is our anniversary. I'm right outside your hotel..."

"It's just an anniversary, Clara. You didn't have to fly all the way to Chicago for it."

Spencer cut me off, his tone flat.

The five years I had been so excited to celebrate.

In his eyes, it was just an insignificant "just."

How many five-year spans do we get in our short youth?

Spencer kept talking.

"You should be using this time to write your paper. At your current research level, it's going to be tough to get into the university we planned for."

I cut him off softly.

"I'll wait for you. When the dinner is over, just have a quick meal with me. Half an hour is all I need."

I hung up before he could say no.

I waited.

My phone was silent.

No return call, no new messages.

The warm, yellow lights of the hotel lobby were blurred by the swirling snow outside.

I could faintly hear the sounds of laughter and cheerful chatter from within the glass revolving doors.

It made the world outside feel exceptionally quiet.

Spencer was probably in there, schmoozing with the big shots of the academic world.

Maybe Chloe was right by his side, holding a champagne flute, her smile gentle and captivating.

But none of that mattered anymore.