Chapter 2

2.

When I told Maya I wanted to break up, she called me crazy.

"Don't you remember how good Spencer is to you? What about his notebook?"

"You have a boyfriend who has planned out everything for you. Do you know how many girls would kill for that?"

Spencer had a Moleskine notebook.

In it, written in different colored pens, were the plans for our next ten years together.

Phase one was college.

He was always smarter than me in high school. He tutored me in calculus every single week without fail, and in the end, we got into the same university.

Phase two was our Ph.D.s.

He mapped out the perfect path for me, from my undergrad to a direct doctoral program.

He detailed which major to switch to, which classes to take for an easy high GPA, and which professor's research group to join.

Then came jobs after graduation, buying a house, getting married, and having kids.

He researched the climate, job prospects, and housing markets in Seattle, Austin, and Denver. He calculated the exact year we'd pay off our student loans, the year we'd make a down payment, and the year we'd have our first child.

I was in every stage of his plan.

Maya sighed. "Clara, tell me, what other man would do all that for his girlfriend?"

I watched the snow outside as it slowly stopped falling.

My throat felt a little tight.

She was right.

The word "we" was written all over that notebook.

He used to tell me all the time:

"We're not just passing through each other's lives. We're walking to the finish line together."

Those words used to move me so much.

But his notebook said he needed to get me a gift for our anniversary, yet he couldn't even remember the right date.

He thought replying to my texts was a waste of time, that talking to me was less important than reading another academic paper.

He was planning our home ten years from now, but he was letting the me of today feel disappointed and cold, over and over again.

Maya was still trying to talk me out of it.

"Look, he's planned for you in his life ten years from now. Isn't that enough proof that he loves you?"

"And now you want to break up over something as small as a pinned message? Aren't you being a little dramatic?"

"Listen to me. Don't be impulsive. Don't break up. You will regret this."

I cut her off gently.

"If he doesn't care about the me who exists right now, is there really a place for me in that future he's planned?"